The F Word

(Warning: Title copied from The Plump Pinay post The F Word I read last week!)

I’ve been reading The Plump Pinay for almost a year now and their posts always inspire me. They taught me to love myself and to net let my weight define me. Here is my story:

I’ve always hated how I looked and I obsess about my weight constantly. I always thought that fat equals ugly. And I hated myself when I gained weight. I starved myself, took Xenical, and took the Bangkok pink slimming pills. I didn’t like exercising because I was so self conscious and I didn’t want people to talk about me. I was never comfortable in my own skin and I was always self conscious. I wouldn’t wear sleeveless clothes because I was afraid my arms would be too big. I believed that I would never get a boyfriend while I was chubby. It hurt so much to think that no one was attracted to me. This thoughts were cemented by the fact that I never had a boyfriend while I was in college but had some admirers while I was in high school (when I was still skinny). I was so insecure. I still am sometimes but I’m learning to deal with it. I’m still struggling now but I’m learning to accept myself more and more each day.

You see, I grew up as a skinny kid but my parents were afraid that I was malnourished so I took vitamins and drank Sustagen every day. At 9 years old I grew but I also became chubby and that’s when the teasing started. As the youngest of 4 children I was the baby but also the most bullied and teased. I would cry easily and this amused my siblings especially my brother. He would call me baboy (tagalog word for pig). I didn’t suffer any bullying form my classmates maybe because I wasn’t the chubbiest or because I was top of our class. It turned out that those were just my growing up years. I grew into my body. My arms and legs were skinny but I always had that tummy and my baby fat. High school was fine for me. I wasn’t the skinniest but I wasn’t fat either. I hated my baby fat but I was always told that I would grow out of it. I should wait after I turn 18 to be conscious about my weight. I went to college and that’s when it started. The dreaded Freshman 15. I was home sick and sad. All my close friends went to different universities. I would eat a pint of ice cream all on my own since we didn’t have a refrigerator in the dorm. When I didn’t like the food provided by the dorm Jollibee and Mcdonalds were my best friends. Exam weeks were spent studying  in 24 hour fast food chains with lots of junk food. And so I gained weight slowly. My breaking point was when I was asked if I was pregnant while checking in at the airport. I know it’s standard procedure but was I chubby enough to even be considered as pregnant? I’m done with college now. And I’m trying to decide what I’m going to do with my life.One thing is for sure, I will love myself wholeheartedly no matter what size I am.

Thank you Danah and Stacy of The Plump Pinay for inspiring me and other women.

I love these by the way! Got this from their site and I’m helping spread the love.

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Spread the love everyone! ❤

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